Renewal or Regression.

“…And be Renewed By the Spirit of Your Mind.” - Ephesians 4:23

During meditation this morning, I felt the sheer weight of my own mind for the first time in a long time. The sheer weight of it. I heard my core express what is in most cases, apparently hidden from me by the noise and vicissitudes of the world - of my inert, ruminating world within.

“What does a man of legacy, honor, fortune, grace, and of strength look like? Your dreams are of that quality of man, but does your present man resemble the man of which you dream? The man of your aspirations? What does a man of melancholy, depression, pain, regret, past, loneliness, and of burden look like? This man you know, for this man is you.”

I’ve always wanted a lot. Not material. More immaterial. More of the fort of man described above. But he’s so hard to nurture and develop. There are so, so many pangs and burdens - traps and snares awaiting the second man described above. One just fatigues on the road towards goodness, only to find himself having always traveled the road to perdition. Maybe the fact that I meditated, and the aspiring man finally came to light in my core means I’m not so far away from becoming.

…

And then again, maybe I’ll never fulfill this, my son will read it, and he does what I’ve struggled with all my life.

He finds freedom.

“The vision you glorify in your mind. The ideals you enthrone in your heart. This is who you are, this is who you will become.” -James Allen