GTD Review: Self-reflection
What you will read below is my GTD review. My review has two components:
A true, long-form, work/personal review. I tend to do these types of reviews where I mix work and personal life after something (project, life season, etc.) comes to an end. I don't edit them much. Authenticity is always key. Many people tend to keep the not-so-attractive information offline.
A self-interview (And, I actually record these!). Sometimes, I reflect on a little of this information in my podcast. Nevertheless, I literally ask myself several questions that intertwine work and personal life, to get down to what's most important in life. What could be more important than this?
The goal certainly isn't to air dirty laundry, but I will be forthcoming about areas which I'm working to improve upon for the sake of others.
I hope you find something useful. If nothing else, I hope my review encourages you to start some of your own (if you haven't already done so...).
I am at the end of another semester. As I sit here at home, I am thankful for the peace and quiet that exists. I love the ‘think’ that spills into this space. I love this space. Mars Laser and Patrick O’Hearn make it easier to dwell in this space.
The semester has been full of ‘busy’. But not so much progressive busy. It has been more of a maintenance busy. I haven’t done much writing or much research outside of my consulting project. But that’s ok.
My reflection on this past year illustrates progression. I’ve certainly progressed. It’s been tough and stressful. But those are the things that force us into growth patterns. As long as it’s not a callous growth, it’s not a bad thing. Keeping my heart and eyes and ears attuned to what’s most important is what’s most important.
As I reflect, I do believe I truly want that. I don’t ever want to lose sight of YHWH, my family, and myself.
This space to think is so beautiful. I hardly ever see it anymore. These trees are gorgeous. The water running through the faucet this morning had a different feel. As I prayed, I thought outside myself and thought about the chattering I’ve continued to hear in the background regarding the world’s political systems, Middle East issues, and justice. I thought about the look and feel of nature and how in tune I use to be with YHWH in those regards.
But God, you are still with me. Your presence is noted and felt. The air from my fan. The sound of the birds chirping. The smell of nourishment. The work of my skeletal muscular system. The sleep and rest at night. It’s you! Help me to see you more clearly.
There is much hype about attention these days. “What are we paying attention to, and why is this important?” This is a question often asked in blogging spheres.
At the heart of it is human happiness and flourishing. Since moving to Winthrop - and really into Academia - the adjustment to flourishing has been quite difficult. I’ve reached out and blamed a number of things, people, and situations. But ultimately, I think it’s me. Lo, there is no blame! There is only learning.
I think I must center myself again. It has been a LONG time since I have done this. I should probably do this daily. I continue to see how beneficial my centering is for my family. I’m a better person following constant prayer and meditation. I deal with problems better. I am more communicable. Being consumed with things, times, situations, circumstances, and surroundings only suggest that there is no ‘center’ within me.
As I prayed, I thought o all the individuals who need it from seeing strong leadership. I thought of those who need this type of solitary confinement. I thought of my ability to provide that.
But I must stay grounded and centered on truth, knowledge, and understanding.
Many, many writings, authors, illustrators, actors, physicians, doctors, bloggers, painters, designers, pastors, professors, musicians, and such believe they have the truth we seek. Granted, this may partially be the case - that is - they have a portion of it. But the truth still must be carried away by our souls and mixed with our hearts. What comes out on the other side often times isn’t the truth. It’s a mix of our desire to see the truth. And this is what I must avoid.
I am not sure of the answer to this question, but I am sure that passion is at the core of it - not passion as it is traditionally known, but passion as it as known to the Hebrews - a struggle to seek and find. So, the essence of my being is a passion for truth and meaning.
Standing alone, it doesn’t. But the meaning I place behind the lives o others brings causation to my life. Must everything be about the job? The work? The work inside the work? Providing? Success? Moving forward? Heavens no! Sometimes, I see my wife and I moving so, so quickly through our lives, trying to find solace and comforting ourselves with the thought that we are ‘prepping’ a future that we can - in no way - control for ourselves, let alone a son.
So, I see us not seeing us.
And during meditative moments likes this, I see the exact opposite. I see the walks along the beach. The walks alongside the house. A grown son. I see us being helpful members of the body of Christ. I see us sitting on the porch at 84 years old, healthy as can be. I see a peaceful home going.
Then, I hear, “Well done”, He said to me. “Enter into the Joy”.
I use to think I knew the answer to this question. I wrote it down everywhere except in stone. I am not quite sure anymore. Of course, I want them to be cared for, but I now know that only YHWH can do such things through me. He charged me with this responsibility before the foundations of the world. I’ve created budgets. I’ve laid out plans. I’ve strived to make things more permanent. A lo! Nothing is permanent except Death, and Life (and taxes). Those are permanent in their own way and during certain times.
Time. Ah, I've got it! I know what I want for them!
I want my family to enjoy the passion of the time allotted to them while on earth. This is what I want now. This is completely different from being happy. Originally, passion referred to a 'suffering'. So, I'm willing - and I want my family members to be happily willing - to have passion for what they want most. If we can learn that, then life will never be disappointing, soaslong as we suffer for the right things.
I don’t always know if I have the answer to this question. It’s one that I recycle back to several times during the year. I cannot quite put my pulse on where and what it is. I find myself asking this questions while dreaming and meditation while sitting on the edge of a dock, dressed in all white, with mountains on the other side of the lake. I’ve got one knee hiked up and grasped by my hands. I”m light. The wind’s blowing just enough to know the presence of God is with me. I’m comforted by that knowledge. Maybe there is nothing to see.
Maybe I’m happy and blissful because there’s nothing needed but to be there.
It’s almost as I the answer is me. Maybe I am trying to find myself. And maybe that’s what God is telling me. Lose myself to find me. All these years I’ve had this meditation. And now, I think I’m beginning to see what its relevance is. Stop searching for me. Search for ME.